The perfect, beautiful, white dress that took forever to find. The tux, three-tiered cake and all the guests. It’s your wedding day. The day you have been excitedly planning for months or even years. You’re so nervous but full of so much excitement and hope to spend the rest of your life with this person.
This is a sponsored post. All opinions are my own.
Nobody starts off their marriage planning for it to end. We can’t predict the future and know how the person we choose will react in every situation. And then on top of that, people change. Sometimes issues, pride or just life circumstances get in the way and before you know it, your marriage is ending.
Like many other people out there, sadly a couple years ago, my 15-year marriage also came to an end. The process was long, hard and extremely emotional. Through the advice of others and my own trial an error, I learned quite a bit. Some things I’d do the same, and some I would do differently. Here’s my advice for anyone going through a divorce.
5 Things I’ve Learned about Divorce
1. Now it’s just about the kids. It’s no longer about fixing a marriage or dealing with life with your ex. Every choice you make effects the kids. It’s not their fault things didn’t work out. Be sure to try and stay as amicable as possible so that the kids don’t get any more hurt than they already will be. You will be dealing with your ex until the kids are grown and maybe even some after. Try not to make life harder for them than it needs to be.
2. Take the parenting class early. In my state, if there are kids involved, you must take a mandatory parenting class. It can be done online or in person. It’s not hard, but it takes some time and can hold up your divorce. You mainly watch short videos about different circumstances and then answer questions about them. Be sure to get it done early. Just FYI, there’s an information and statistics bit at the end that will make you feel kind of crappy so be prepared.
3. Use Mediation instead of Lawyers. My ex and I had planned on using a mediator. My family was really pushing for me to get a lawyer though. In an argument, my ex said he had decided to get a lawyer and I should too. Just hearing the word lawyer made me panic inside.
My ex and I agreed on most things, so I feel our lawyers didn’t really do much. Every time we had to talk about something it cost me more money. I would basically tell my lawyer to ask for something I wanted, my lawyer would contact his lawyer who would ask him and then reverse the process for the answer. It was like a really bad, expensive game of telephone.
Using a mediator, like the ones at SnapDivorce, has a lot of benefits over a lawyer. For one, it’s less expensive than traditional Divorce Lawyers. The average divorce can cost close to $10,000 to upwards of $20,000 depending on how long you spend arguing over things. That’s the price of a nice new car, just to get divorced. It can be less if you agree on more stuff or use a SnapDivorce mediator instead of lawyers.
It’s more amicable to use a mediator. Just the word lawyer is threatening. A mediator from SnapDivorce will sit with you and help you both come to an agreement that is clear and fair. The right mediator can facilitate amicable agreements by providing you with information and guidance in structured discussions relating to all issues associated in your divorce case.
A mediator from SnapDivorce helps alleviate the frustration and complexity of your divorce. Their appointments are flexible either in-office or held over the phone. You will be involved in every decision along the way, giving you more control of the outcome. Nothing is worse than feeling like you’re not being heard in a divorce and feeling forced to say yes.
With SnapDivorce, you pay a flat fee. No more worrying about wracking up lawyers bills. There are no court appearances and best of all, their highly trained, experienced mediators handle it all from start to finish. That includes filling out and filing all the necessary paperwork. They handle the entire process for you. Divorce is emotional and stressful enough as it is, alleviate some of that by hiring a mediator from SnapDivorce.
4. Live close if Possible. I know that after a divorce you want to be as far away as possible but go back to number one. It’s about the kids. Living close means it’s so much easier for the kids. They’re not too far from where they’re used to. Especially if one of you stays in the home. They will still be close to friends and might even be able to stay in the same schools. It also makes switching kids much easier. If they forget something for the week, it’s not a big deal to go get it, making them more at ease and comfortable.
5. Be sure it’s in the decree. As the years go on, disagreements will arise. You’ll want to move around holiday plans or someone will want to move homes, change schools or fight about having to pay for something like extra-curricular activities or other needs. Make sure everything is in the decree so when arguments arise, you have something to fall back on. If your ex is really awful, you will want everything in writing so there’s no question about it.
If your marriage is heading towards rocky ground, divorce isn’t always the answer. Be sure that you try everything in your power to stay together. There are things to try first like counseling or even getting back to the basics like date nights. Spend time being with each other and talking, it could work wonders to just reconnect again. Divorce should be a last resort, especially if there are children involved. However, don’t ever stay in an abusive relationship. If divorce is inevitable, I wish you the best of luck and hope this helped.
Wednesday 6th of March 2019
My parents are currently going through a divorce and it is so much worse than I had imagined. I had thought that watching them go through a divorce as an adult would make it so much easier but it still sucks A LOT! I am so sorry you had to go through this but hopefully things are looking up. As for my parents mediation did not work. They tried it for about 6 months and made no progress at all and unfortunately are now at the point of having to hire lawyers. Just shows that everyone is different and that there are the different options for a reason. Too bad you were not able to try a mediator though, sounds like it could have been a good option for you.