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Husband’s Funny Wisdom Teeth Removal Aftermath Video & Transcript

My husband got his wisdom teeth removed earlier this year. He is one that obsessively watches all the YouTube fails and funny’s, so we’ve seen our fair share of hilarious wisdom teeth removal aftermath videos. But, it’s all that much better when it’s your own loved one!

Of course, I knew I HAD to record him. I wasn’t sure what would come out. And there were certainly some surprises in there. I mean, it is a pretty big deal to find out about a worldwide pandemic while you’re still high on drugs! His response was hilarious!

We still tease him about all the best lines, relentless. I hope you’ll enjoy this fun video! Make sure you turn on the captions or refer to the full video transcript below for all your favorite quotes!

Husband’s Funny Wisdom
Teeth Removal Aftermath Video!

Wisdom Teeth Removal Video Transcript

Into the Car:

Yeah?
I was…
I think I was talking about
tortoises.
Yeah tortoises?
I was talking about cheese
and soy sauce.
Cheese and soy sauce, yeah,
cause you like to make those.
I think they were just trying
to bore me to sleep.
[laughing]
Did it work?
Yes
Do you know who I am?
(slurred)
Yeaaah
You’re my beautiful wife.
[giggling)
You feeling okay?
[indistict mumbling]
and…

Dinner Planning:

I think we should do quail
on anniversary
and buy garlic with parsley
on our stove
[car starting]
and if we do that
the grocery will be done
and we’ll have dinner tonight.
For dinner?
I don’t know when!
[laughter]
You said dinner.
How about five o’clock?
What time is it?
It’s one o’clock right now.
I don’t have quails yet!
You don’t have quails yet.
You’re right!
Your mom has quails.
We can drive over and get some.
(2800 miles away)
Okay
[giggling]
We can talk about that.
Maybe do that.
I really

A Party?:

Where are you driving me?
I’m going to drive you home.
Would that be okay?
Where’s our home?
Our home is about 15
minutes away.
You better not have a party.
We’re not having a party.
I don’t think I’m dressed
for that.
My mouth feels really dry.
It does look really dry too.
And sometimes
I feel my tongue.
Does it feel weird that you
have a tongue in your mouth?

Dinosaurs:

Umm..
Well I was really confused
because when they were
doing it
I kept talking about
dinosaurs.
Why were you talking about
dinosaurs?
Because I thought they
were coming.
They were coming to the
dentist?
Umm…
Yeaaah…
I don’t know if it was like
a petting zoo…
[laughter]
A petting zoo for
dinosaurs!?
Yeah there may be one that
goes (skaaaeaech)
I think they’d have to remove
them spitters though
so they don’t spit in
your face.
Yeah you wouldn’t want
them to spit in your face for
sure
that’d be kind of gross.
I’m very tired.
I bet so you look really tired.
Well you get to go home

Laughing Gas:

They asked me if I’d ever
used laughing gas before.
I said there was this one time
in Amsterdam
ha ha
In Amsterdam you used
laughing gas!
One time… maybe more…
Where would you have
gotten it?
Oh it’s legal.
So you just got it from
somebody on the street?
No, in a shop.
And Samson wanted to buy pot
and I said no. But I will try
laughing gas.
So he took advantage of that, huh?
And we had some laughing gas fun.
And they thought that was
very interesting.

Cheese Making:

And then we talked about cheese.
And they said they’ve never
talked to someone who
makes cheese.
Yeah, that is a different
thing. Most people don’t
make cheese.
Yeah…
I imagine most people make
head cheese.
What is that?
The cheese that grows on
your head from not bathing properly.
Oooh…
They make that and you’re
gonna talk about that at the dentist?
Do we have water?
In the car?
Yeah
Umm… I don’t know if we do.
(rumaging)
I was really nervous
but they gave me a really
small IV
and I get…
I have this drink, I don’t
know if you can have that.
And then I was getting dizzy.
So we started talking about
cheese and soy sauce.
That’s the only cool things in
my life.
I know.

I need a drink:

We talked about Chris trying
to pinch me until I told him
I had green eyes.
[laughter]
Because you hadn’t gotten
dressed yet today.
Okay…
That made my mouth wet.
What is this?
It’s just a drink.
Did it help to make your
mouth wet?
I dunno.
It’s getting to the back of my
throat
and then I don’t know where it goes.
It just goes down from there
Down to the dinosaurs.
[burp]
There’s no dinosaurs are
there?
No, not dinosaurs any more.
I’d be surprised.

You Have Kids:

It’ll be interesting to see
what the kids think of you.
We have kids?
We do have kids!
Do you know how many kids
we have?
Umm… Five.
We, we do have five… yes.

I’m Lucky:

They told me that you were
excited that you had a wife
that you didn’t remember that
What!
That’s what the nurse said.
I don’t remember a nurse.
She walked you out to the car…
I walked out to a car?
You did, you got walked out
here and you sat down right here in
this car where you’re
sitting now.
wow, I’m lucky.
You’re lucky?
Yeah
Nobody ever wants to walk
with me when I don’t know them.
Hmm…
Yeah, she said that she told
you
we’re gonna go walk out to
your wife that’s waiting at
the car
and you said, “I have a wife?!”

Tooth surgery:

My teeth hurt.
They should hurt, they just
got, they cut teeth out of your mouth.
How many?!
Four!
[laughter]
They, they took out the front ones.
Cause they didn’t think you’d
need those ones.
I think you’re lying.
[laughter]
No, they took out the teeth
in the very very back.
[coughing]
Tonight we’re going to have
corned beef and cabbage for dinner.
Do you mind blending it up
for me?
Yeah, we can do that.
Okay
With potatoes?
Yeah
Hey!
Mhmm?

How to Cook Potatoes:

Will you please boil the
potatoes first?
Oh yeah, I can do that.
I know how to do that.
But you know how to do
it right?
Yeah
You put it in a pot.
And then try mixing it?
And you add water right?
And then you boil it.
And you gotta do it
for a while.
Let me tell you a story
Okay
If you stick them in a
blender without boiling
them
It doesn’t work
Yeah my brother
already tried that once.
Oh…
Do they live with us?

Worldwide Pandemic:

Bryan, my brother
lives with us right now.
Why on earth does he do that!?
Why did he?
Because there’s a worldwide
pandemic right now…
[laughter]
[laughter]
… Your face!
What do you think about that?
Are we safe?
We are safe if we stay home.
Have you cleaned my guns?
Have I cleaned them?
Is that what you asked?
I have not cleaned your guns.
Did I?
No you haven’t cleaned them.
I want a bath.
Okay, we can get you
in a bath when we get
home.

I want to drive:

Why are you driving me?
Because you can’t
drive right now.
I think I can.
Uh, it would not be safe.
[coughing]
They didn’t cut out
that tooth.
Which one?
[coughing]
I have more than one?
More than one tooth?
You have a lot of teeth.
They stuck a needle in
my arm.
Yeah they did!
I got really dizzy.
You got dizzy when
they put a needle in you?
It was really tiny.
Yeah
And uh….

Where do we live?:

You know we were
talking about selling
our house?
We have a house?
We have two houses!
Do we live in them
together?
We live in one house
together.
Why?
Why what?
Why do we have two?
Why do we live together?
Because we’re married.
I like being married to you.
I like being married
to you too.
[laughter]

Teeth Necklace:

You don’t like the
taste of that?
I don’t know where I
drink it from.
Oh, through your mouth.
Did they give me my
teeth on a necklace?
They did not.
Did you want them?
No…
But it would scare
my enemies.
And, now you’re not
going to get money
from the tooth fairy.
What!?
Cause you didn’t take them.
I bet you they give
extra for wisdom teeth.
I know, cause those
are very valuable.
Do you think they hide
them under their own beds?
The dentist? Probably.
And the nurses.
That’s the way they
get extra money.

Back to laughing gas:

They asked me if I
ever had laughing gas before.
Yeah?
I said, one time in Amsterdam.
They liked that story.
Hu hu ha ha!
[laughter]
I told them I
compromised with my friend.
Yeah?
I’d only do laughing gas.
And I laughed
Was it fun to do it?
I was laughing.
The whole time?
Yeah…
I think I wrote a song
about it.
You wrote a song
about laughing gas?!
Yeah…
Do you want to sing it for me?
I don’t remember it.
Hmmm…
I bet it was really funny.
[awkward laughter]
If it’s a song about
laughing gas, it has to
make you laugh, right?
Maybe…
Maybe it makes you
laugh if you’re on
laughing gas.
Uh, yeah, only if you’re
already on laughing gas?

Meatloaf:

I’m really hungry.
Okay, we’re going to
go home and get some food.
I want a cheeseburger.
Well, you can’t have a
cheeseburger but you could have
oatmeal or yogurt
or applesauce.
You could blend them for me.
Um, I’m not sure about
that, it wouldn’t taste the same.
Uh, it would taste like
a meatloaf.
You don’t like meatloaf.
I don’t like yours.
Well, I don’t think you
like anybody’s meatloaf.
Oh…
That’s probably true.
I’m so lucky you
married me, you know
me!
[laughter]
Yeah.

Who’s the Boss?:

My tongue tingles.
Just don’t bite it.
Then it will hurt.
Nope, don’t bite it!
You’re not the boss of me!
I kind of am right now.
Are we lost!?
Nope
Do you say that
because we’ve been
driving for a long time?
I don’t think…
[mumbling]
We’re actually almost home.
This is the long barn.

Our kids are Morons:

Chris always says, the
long barn.
Who’s Chris?
Chris is your youngest son.
He’s really cute.
How old is he?
Huh? How old?
He is six.
And he has fluffy hair.
Fluffy hair?
Yeah it like sticks up
straight on its end!
My mouth hurts.
Mhmm.
And then you have a
son named Andy.
Who hurt his knee.
I know Andy.
You know him?
I know him.
Do you remember how he broke
his knee or didn’t break it but
hurt it?
I karate chopped him
in the knee.
You didn’t karate chop
him. He fell off the bed!
What!?
He fell off the bed
being a monkey
jumping on it.
And fell right on his knee.
That’s lame.
And then his brother
Nathan took his crutches
and almost broke his
toe with the crutches.
How old is he?
He’s 14.
Moron…
[laughter]
And then you have
one more kid.
Do you remember
your other kid?
Um
Tyler
Yep, Tyler.
And Tyler has diabetes.
He’s dying?
He’s not dying, but he
has to take care of his
medicine every day.

They need a job:

I wonder if he should
get a job.
A job at… he’s 12.
Do you think he could
get a job at 12?
I mean if we move to China…
Oh, that’s what we
should do then.
Because then all these
boys could work for us.
Do you want to do that?
Well… I didn’t really
like it in China, I lived
there for a while.
Oh…
But…
Maybe you would like
living there.
Da..
I feel like I could fall there.
What?
We could…
go on and walk there.

A Stalker:

Are you falling asleep?
Yeah…
We’re just home. We
just pulled into the
garage do you want
to see your house?
Danny, do you want to
see your house?
I know this place.
You remember this place?
Who’s that guy?
That’s my brother!
I think he’s stalking me.
He probably is.
He’s been here for like
six months.
[sigh]
[exasperated whisper]
That’s a long time.
[laughter]

Time for a drink:

k, you ready for me to
get you out?
Alright, I’m going to
come around the car.
Do you know how to unbuckle?
[startled by spill]
Swallow it.
Here, let me take that lid.
I’ll take the lid and close
your drink for you.
[slurping]
Okay….
So….
That was really good.
You wanna keep this?
I’ll let you hold on to it
if you want to keep it.
I’ll… I can get your
phone for you.
Did you get my mask?
In a bag?
Yeah, I think so.

Arm surgery:

Put your arm through here.
[surprised]
I thought they were
working on my mouth!
What?
What did they do to my arm!?
They gave you an IV.
[laughter]
Do you like IVs?
[laughter]
I tried to tell them not
to do it. But they had to.
You’re gonna come out right here.
I’m glad I peed.
Before!?
Yeah, that was a good idea.
k, cmon.
You’re gonna come out over here.

My memories:

I’ll come back and get
your phone, okay? Lets
get you inside.
I need my phone.
Okay
It has all my memories on it.
Yeah… your pictures,
your emails…
It’s got YouTube on it
My mouth hurts.
Okay, lets put your
arm over here.
What kind of macabre
of a dentist did you
send me to?
I sent you to a dentist
to take out your wisdom teeth.

I can do it:

Watch your head.
Okay, that’ll work.
I got it…
I see where I am.
Put your arm around me.
I know where I’m at!
I can walk
Can you put your
arm around me?
cause you’re not
No, because then I can’t walk.
[laughing]
You’re walking like a
crazy man!
Uh!
Like a zombie!
I forgot my medicine
in the glovebox.
I will get everything.
Okay, lets just get
inside.
But you don’t like it
when I do that!
Well that’s okay
because I will get it for you.
Today’s a special day.
Who did that to my garage!
Your kids.
Why do I have them!
Because… you wanted
them for some reason.
Do you know where
you’re gonna go?
[walking into things]
Be careful, be careful.

Your dad is crazy:

Your dad is so crazy.
Do you know who that
is on the couch?
[Nathan]
Hi
[laughter]
He’s playing video games.
We’re gonna go this way.
[Nathan laughs]
[laughter]
[Tyler]
Hello
Your dad is so crazy.
You gotta move Tyler.
Move the cord, quick.
C’mon, we’re gonna
keep going. Just a little
bit further to your bed.
I know.
I’m not going to make it.
Okay, why don’t you
just rest here for a minute.
[laughter]
[Chris]
What happened?
[laughter]
Is he teethless?

Time for bed:

Okay, lets go. We got
a few more steps to go.
You gotta step.
[heavy lifting sound]
Use your feet!
C’mon, here we go.
Keep moving.
No! No! No!
Not that way!
I’m falling.
You’re falling on to me.
HA HA HA HA
[mumbling]
[laughter]
Tyler, hold this for me.
Okay cmon babe.
Chris, pull the blankets back.
[straining]
Okay you can’t fall
asleep yet we gotta
get in bed first.
[laughter]
Oh my gosh!
[laughter]
[snoring]
We’re all just laughing at him!
[laughter]
Passed out.

I hope you enjoyed this funny wisdom teeth video aftermath! What was your favorite line?

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